You Want Forgiveness?
by Cosmic Cass
Summary: Takes place after episode 302. Will not follow canon after that episode but I just had to get this daydream out while I wait for 303 since I needed some Bellarke gratification. Love Bellarke! Please review! Bellamy has looked everywhere for Clarke. He needs her back but when he finally gets her, he has feelings he didn't know about before.
1. Chapter 1

Bellamy tossed off the grounder mask and crept down the stairs, sword at the ready. After hearing the devastating story of Monty's father and the struggles of farm station he couldn't wait in that cave a second longer. He had to get Clarke back. It had been three months now she'd been gone and he feared this would be his only chance before she was gone forever. As he rounded the corner in the dark room he had eyes only for the small bound hands that he knew were Clarke's. Recklessly rushing over to her he crouched down in front of her and as she looked up at him first with confusion then with recognition and pure relief. His heart skipped a beat, he hadn't seen her in so long. Suddenly, the gaze in her ice blue eyes turned to terror as she yelled a warning to him. Too late to defend himself, her grounder captor had him pinned to the ground, blade at his neck.

"Stop, please don't kill him. I'll do anything you want!" Clarke desperately pleaded.

The grounder looked back at her, then at Bellamy and removed the blade from his neck slowly. Bellamy and Clarke both sighed in relief until the grounder quickly stabbed Bellamy through the leg, pulled Clarke up and said to him, "Don't follow us." Then they were gone.

"No!" Bellamy shouted, trying to run after them, but it was futile. His leg was gushing blood and he couldn't even hold weight on it. Nevertheless, he staggered grasping the trees, propelling himself forward until he heard Monty call his name from behind. They caught up with him as he continued staggering forward.

"We can't lose her Monty," Bellamy gasped. He paused and looked Monty straight in the eyes, "I… I can't lose her."

"I know, we will find a way," Monty reassured him as they convinced Bellamy to stop and take care of his wounds.

Hours later back at Arkadia, dark had fallen and Abby tended to Bellamy's leg. He was furious. The long drive back he'd barely said a word. He had no idea what could be happening to Clarke right now. Surely that grounder would have her hand delivered to the Ice Nation queen at this point. How could he let them convince him to give up?

As soon as Abby gave him the clear, he gathered supplies to leave. As he made it to the gate, a hand jerked him back. He whirled around to see Octavia glaring at him.

"Bellamy, what are you thinking? You can't go after her, not now."

"O, I let her go once, I can't do it again, I can't"

"I understand that but this is stupid. You have no idea where they are going, you have no idea what you are getting yourself into. You cannot go alone. Think about it. How are you going to help Clarke by running out and getting yourself killed? What would she do?"

Bellamy knew Octavia was right. There was nothing he could do right now. He dropped his pack off his shoulder and conceded to his sister. His sister who was stronger than anyone he knew. It was hard to see her so grown-up, hardly in need of anybody's protection. Probably the most adept at living in this world than anybody from the Ark.

"We have to go as soon as we can," he said strongly.

"We will big brother, I promise."

The next morning he heard the guards warning of approaching grounders. The gates opened and on horseback was Indra. Bellamy, Marcus, and Octavia all met her at the entrance to the settlement as she dismounted her massive black horse.

"Do you have news of Clarke?" Marcus asked the tall grounder woman.

"Yes. Clarke has been recovered. She is with the commander right now."

Marcus spoke, "So you will be returning her to us or we will go get her."

Indra glared, "It's not quite that simple."

Bellamy couldn't hold his tongue any longer, "It is that simple. You will return her to us or.."

Marcus cut him off with a steely gaze, "Indra what is the situation. We just want Clarke home."

"Clarke's meeting with the commander was… hostile to say the least. You will come to Polis with me to speak with the Commander."

Marcus tensed, looked at Bellamy and nodded. He rushed off to get packed, he didn't care about the treaty he was packing as many weapons as he could find. They were heading into the heart of grounder territory, their capital city. Monty, Marcus, Bellamy, and Raven piled in while Octavia and Indra mounted their horses. As they started the vehicle, Pike opened the door.

"I'm coming with you."

"Pike, this is a diplomatic mission, we are at peace with these grounders," Kane said to him.

"I am aware. But if things go badly, I need to be there to help."

Marcus nodded his head and Pike climbed in. Raven started the engine and rolled out of Arkadia, picking up speed and Indra led them to the city of Polis.

Halfway through their journey, Indra slowed and signaled for them to halt. Ahead they could see people headed toward them. It was Lexa and a portion of her army. She approached and dismounted to meet with Bellamy and Kane.

"Where is Clarke?" Bellmay asked.

"Clarke is here. I have brought her to you after a long discussion with her on what needs to happen to maintain peace between us and the Ice Nation. You may take her back, but in a week's time, you will meet me back in Polis after speaking with Clarke to discuss how our treaty will proceed." Lexa said her calm but commanding tone.

She signaled to someone from behind calling out for Wanheda. Clarke was carried forward, unconscious, hands bound, to Lexa's side.

"I apologize for her condition, she did not make things easy. I trust you will make the right decision for all of us Marcus Kane and Clarke of the Skypeople."

They left swiftly, Indra with them. Bellamy dropped to Clarke's side, untying her hands and smoothing the hair away from her face.

"Get her in the truck," Kane commanded.

"Is it just me or was that super weird," Monty commented.

"It's not just you, that was far too unexpected and brief. Not Lexa's style. Something must have happened with her and Clarke." Kane said.

Clarke lay on the seat with her head in Bellamy's lap. She was out cold.

"She seems fine, they must have drugged her to put her to sleep this hard though." Bellamy said.

"Abby can take care of her when we return, then we will sort out this mess," Raven said from the front.

Bellamy looked down at Clarke. She seemed small and helpless in this state. _I'm just glad to have you back._


	2. Chapter 2

Abby looked down at her sleeping daughter unable to let go of her hand. She couldn't believe the relief she felt having her back. She would be fine, she just needed rest. She looked thin, and was pretty beat up. She had cleaned the gaping claw marks on her back and gotten most of the dirt and grime out of her hair. Bellamy sat behind Abby waiting.

"Bellamy you need rest, I'll have someone come get you when she wakes up."

"I'm fine."

Abby felt Clark's fingers twitch, then release her hand. She looked over as Clarke's eyelashes fluttered and her heavy eyes opened slowly.

"Clarke sweetie is your mom."

Bellamy stood up and stepped towards Clarke and Abby. Clarke looked around the room, taking in her surroundings.

"Wh-where am I?"

"Clarke you're home," Abby said.

She became more alert, then glared at her mom.

"I don't want to be here. I have to go, I can't be here."

She sat up, swung her legs over the bed and stood up. She proceeded to sway and Abby reached for her but Clarke just pushed her away. She took a few steps and almost fell over, but Bellamy reached out and pulled her to his chest. She struggled as her mother tried to pull her back to bed.

"Abby will you give us a minute, I promise she'll be fine," Bellamy said to her.

She looked at him with reservation but nodded and stepped out, recognizing Bellamy was usually more capable of talking sense into her daughter than anyone. As the door hissed shut, Bellamy let Clarke lean on him and guided her to the couch in the room. Exhausted and aching, she sat down. He kneeled in front of her and caught her blue eyes with his dark chocolate ones.

"Bellamy," was all she said as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, afraid she would disappear on him again. As he held her to his chest it he could feel his heart relax. He hadn't even realized how it had felt until she was with him again, but it was more than a weight being lifted off his shoulders. It was like he could breathe again. He hadn't felt like this since he had saved Octavia. He cared for Clarke more than he knew, as a leader, as a friend, as… something he didn't understand.

"How are you doing, Princess."

She smirked at the nickname she hadn't heard in so long, "It's one of my worse days, I'll admit. Bellamy I don't really want to talk right now."

"That's okay. Let's just get you to a bed and relax, we'll worry about politics later."

She nodded her head graciously and he held an arm around her to steady her. The drugs were still making her feel woozy. They came out and Abby rushed over to her daughter.

"Hey she just wants to sleep, let me take care of her," Bellamy told her.

He could see how much effort it was taking not to smother Clarke, but also the fear in her eyes not knowing who her daughter was anymore.

Bellamy didn't really know if she had a place of her own so he brought Clarke to his room. There wasn't much but he had a bed and he was certain it was better than what she had slept on the last three months in the wilderness. She laid back on the bed and Bellamy handed her a cup of water. She gulped it down ravenously.

"You have no idea how good this feels."

"Oh I can imagine," Bellamy replied. He felt awkward. He hadn't thought this far about what he would say to her. Now that he had a moment to process that she was here, he couldn't help but feel the fury rising in himself. She saw it in his eyes.

"Bellamy… I don't really know what to say. I… I'm sorry. It's all too much. I couldn't be here, I still don't think I can be here."

His chest tightened as he prepared to let loose how furious he was. How could she leave them, leave him, to deal with the aftermath of Mount Weather. She had taken the easy way out and left him behind to deal with the damage. She hadn't let him take the easy way out when he wanted to leave, but reverse the roles and she left without a thought about everyone. He knew that wasn't completely true but still. Instead, he forgave her. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and said, "I'm glad you are back. I missed you."

She said nothing but the look in her eyes told him she felt the same. He ached to wrap his arms around her again. To make it all go away, not just for her but for himself too. They understood each other like nobody else could. They were both to stubborn to admit to weaknesses though. He sat on a chair in the room, wanting her to rest, and not wanting to leave her alone.

"Bellamy you can't sleep there."

"I'm fine, I'm not tired."

"You know I'm not buying that, you're exhausted."

"Clarke, go to sleep."

She lay there staring at him. She studied his brown curls, they'd gotten longer. The freckles dotted across the bridge of his nose and his cheeks. He looked so tired. She had missed him too. She had missed everyone. She had needed to leave though. She knew she'd been a coward be leaving that day, but she had to come to terms with her actions on her own. She'd needed to be alone, and had been alone until that night with Niylah. It had felt so good to lose herself in somebody, to not feel so lost. She didn't want Bellamy to leave.

"Bellamy I don't want to be alone."

He looked at her in confusion, "I told you I'm not going anywhere."

She gave him a pointed look and his heart lurched a little when he realized what she meant. He'd never felt nervous with women before. When he felt lust he took care of it. Women came to him and left the next morning and he'd never had a problem with it. _Stop overthinking this, she's not asking for sex._ But, maybe that's exactly why he was nervous. He didn't know what to do for her. He stood up slowly and Clarke moved over on his bed, making room for him. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor. He laid down, keeping eye contact with her the whole time. She hadn't realized how cold she was until she could feel his body radiating heat even though he wasn't touching her. She hadn't felt this warm since… well, she didn't even know the last time. Bellamy felt strange. His heart felt like it was slowly pounding against his chest, and he wouldn't be surprised if Clarke could hear it. He took a deep breath and calmed himself.

Clarke immediately felt better just having another human this close to her. That it was Bellamy, didn't totally matter right now, but she couldn't think of someone she'd want more. He wouldn't pressure her to talk, or feel, or anything. She closed her eyes, relaxing.

Bellamy however wasn't so quick to drift off. He felt like a spring, tightly coiled and ready to explode. Having Clarke next to him felt good. He wanted her to be closer. He wanted to touch her. He rolled on his side, facing her, and her eyes opened up to look at him. They needed each other. He tentatively reached out and wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in. She nuzzled her face into his bare chest and her breath on his skin gave him goosebumps. He relaxed into her and it felt so good. They both breathed easier and drifted to sleep, feeling safer than ever before with each other.


	3. Chapter 3

As Bellamy rose to consciousness the next morning, he became aware of the sleeping body still wrapped in his arms. Clarke was still sound asleep and made no sign of waking as he shifted to get out of bed. As comfortable and tempting as it was to stay in bed, he had morning chores in the camp to get done. As he pulled on his shirt he watched her stretch out and her chest continue to steadily rise and fall. The tense look he'd seen her wearing yesterday had dissipated and she looked so peaceful. He stepped over and ran his fingers through her tangled blonde hair and took a beat to think.

He had always acknowledged his attraction to the feisty blonde. Who wasn't after all? But their relationship had been almost exclusively as co-leaders minus the few moments they shared alone as friends. Their day trip for example, when he taught her to shoot a gun. When he'd touched her shoulders to adjust her posture, theyd both flinched a little at the spark there was at that contact. He didn't think either of them had really ever considered it again though. There were far more important things to be focused on than minor crushes, and while he had his fair share of women, he'd never jeapordized their safety with a relationship. He and Clarke were in charge and their first priority was their people.

But, he did know he needed her in his life. They both did, and when she crashed into him, hugging him so tight after returning from the mountain, he'd realized just how much. The war with Mount Weather had changed her so much. Lexa had changed her so much. He didn't know what their relationship was but the grounder Commander changed Clarke, and in his opinion, not for the better. That had become apparent when she abruptly changed her mind and said his life was worth risking to infiltrate Mount Weather after previously denying him claiming she needed him. It had stung a little he had to admit.

They were still partners though, nothing that had happened changed that fact. Bellamy tried quietly leaving the room but Clarke woke before he could and stood up.

"Clarke you don't need to do this yet."

"We can't wait on me any longer. I got us into this mess, I have to fix it. They need to know what happened with Lexa while I was in Polis."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow and turned around to head to the command center, giving Clarke some privacy. She arrived minutes after him.

She had to face her people now. She walked to her mother and hugged her.

"I'm so sorry mom you have to understand… I had to…"

"I know Clarke. I know. I'm just so happy to have you back right now," Abbey stroked her daughter's hair, relief apparent in her face and voice.

Kane nodded at Clarke, "Clarke, you are the only one here who knows what is going on. Our meeting with Lexa yesterday was unexpected, and very strange. She is never that short and willing to let things out of her control, what happened?"

Clarke recounted her capture by the Prince Roan of the Ice Nation and how he had brought her to Lexa instead of his queen. As soon as Lexa's name left her mouth, her eyes and face reflected the dripping hatred she felt towards the Commander.

"Lexa thought I would understand what she did to us. That i would let it go. She isn't capable of understanding my remorse for the massacre at Mount Weather. When she came to meet with me, I attacked her, giving her my terms of release. No politics, no discussion with you. That was the only way I would consider what she requested."

Bellamy looked at Clarke. There was more to her story and he knew it. Lexa would never give in, at least not so quickly like that. It was obvious Clarke wasn't sharing the whole story.

"Clarke, what does Lexa want from us?" Kane asked.

Clarke took a deep breath, "She wants to become our leader."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hey everyone, the positive response I've recieved has been amazing at helping me stay motivated while writing this story! It is gonna be decently long and I'm going to try to post every other day, if not every day if I can. Reviews help so much and I'm open to all criticism! Soon we can find out what happened with Lexa and Clarke that's making them both so uncomfortable :) Thanks so much!**

Kane and Abbey took the news about as well as anybody would. At first everyone stood silent after Clarke's announcement, completely dumbfound at the absurdity of the idea. A grounder could never hold any authority over the Skypeople. An alliance was pushing it already, how could Lexa ever expect this to go over smoothly?

"I cannot understand where this is coming from," Abbey said.

"I think there's more about the situation with the Ice Nation that we don't yet know," Kane responded.

Clarke confirmed, "The Ice Nation is unlike the grounders we have met, Farm Station confirmed that for us already. I don't know what is scaring Lexa but she is convinced she can't go up against them without us. Or me…"

Kane looked at Clarke and Bellamy, "The chancellor and I need to discuss this in private for a few moments if you would please…"

"Seriously? After everything you are still leaving us out?" Bellamy argued.

"Just do as Kane says, no decisions will be made without Clarke's input, just give us some time please. Clarke you have been gone for three months, you can't waltz back in and expect to take control, to know our situation," Abbey told her daughter.

Clarke just looked from Abbey to Kane, then walked out of the room. Bellamy turned to follow, but not without shooting an annoyed glance back. It was no use arguing with them at this point. He needed to find out what Clarke wasn't telling them, and he suspected that's what Kane and Abbey were going to discuss as well. Abbey had a point though; Clarke really couldn't walk back in and expect to be listened to as a leader like before after leaving them without a word. Clarke walked out and all the way up to the fence surrounding Arkadia, looking out at the forest ahead of her. Her tangled, blonde hair drifted in the cool breeze. Bellamy stood next to her, staring out the fence as well. As he looked at her expression out the corner of his eye, he recognized the uncomfortable and trapped look her face had. He knew it well, he felt it every time he came back inside the fence.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Bellamy asked.

Clarke gave a brief nod. Bellamy walked them to the gate and signaled to the guards to open it up. They walked down the path that led to Arkadia for a ways in silence, until they reached the river. Clarke walked over to a large rock hanging over the stream and sat down, hanging her legs over the edge. She took a deep breath and he could see the muscles in her shoulders relax; relieved to be out of the confining quarters of the Ark. He took a seat next to her. The air was crisp this morning, winter was just on the horizon. Clarke sighed again and looked over at Bellamy.

"I don't want to talk about it yet. Lexa, I mean. It's… complicated."

"Clarke, you have to give it up soon."

"I know Bellamy," she responded. After a pause she asked, "How is everyone?"

He took a moment to think about his response, afraid of how much to reveal of their use of Mount Weather, "Well your mom has been stretched pretty thin. Every day that goes by it seems like Octavia becomes more of grounder than Lincoln. He's been teaching us all hand-to-hand combat, so that's a good way to blow off steam. Raven is just Raven, stubborn as always. Monty is alright, especially since we found Farm Station and his mom."

Clarke nodded knowing exactly who he'd left out of his summary. "Jasper?"

Bellamy looked down, this was exactly what he hadn't wanted to discuss.

"Bellamy, how is Jasper?"

He sighed as she looked at him expectantly, "He's not good. He's been suffering a lot." He didn't really want to elaborate at this point and she could tell.

Clarke nodded, "And what about you Bellamy?"

"I've been learning a lot from Kane, helping map out the ground, keep the peace with the grounders, trying to stay busy," he paused, "Trying to find you."

"You shouldn't have been trying. I didn't want to be found."

"You think I don't know that Clarke?" his voice started to raise, "Every damn day I've been trying to put our people back together. I'm the one they look to, lean on, and I'm the one that had to try to explain to them why you abandoned all of us."

Clarke went on the defense, "I had to deal with it on my own. I murdered so many people Bellamy, you knew I couldn't face them."

Bellamy couldn't hold it in any longer, "That is complete bullshit and you know it Clarke! After I caused the death of more than 300 people on the Ark, after I shot Jaha, after I tried to run away from that, you wouldn't let me. You gave me forgiveness. You told me we would face it together. And when I tried to give you the same thing, you turned your back on me. You left. You left them when they needed you most, when you needed them most. I needed you, and every damn day you have been gone I tear myself up for not doing more to make you stay, the way you did to me."

"Bellamy stop it's not your fault-"

"I don't want to hear it Clarke. I really don't." Bellamy got up from where they were sitting and walked a few steps away towards the edge of the river, just staring down at his reflection in the water. He hadn't meant to snap, but dammit she needed to understand. He heard her get up as well and tread lightly to a spot to his left.

"I can't apologize. It was the best thing for me."

Bellamy bit his bottom lip, "What about me Clarke? I sacrificed my life in the mountain because you asked me to. I have followed your lead constantly." He stopped there. She knew all of this. She had run away, been alone for three months and had plenty of time to think about it.

Clarke turned to face Bellamy, "I did want your forgiveness- but it wasn't enough."

He turned to her, looking her straight in the eyes with anger, "So what is enough for you?"

"I don't know if there is anything," tears glistened in her eyes and she looked down. She'd been away so long, pushing this out of her mind, just spending the days surviving, and now it was all coming back. "I should have left again," she turned to walk away but large hands ripped at her shoulder and pulled her into a furious embrace.

"No, you will not leave again. You are done running." Bellamy held her tight, tight enough she gasped for air a little bit, but at that moment he couldn't bear for her to take another step away for fear he'd never see her again.

"I can't begin to convey how angry I am every day Clarke, it's taken everything, I… I…" at a loss for words he pulled her back and looked into her blue eyes that still glistened with unshed tears. As Clarke looked at the anger in Bellamy's eyes, she felt nervous. She didn't know what to do, what to say. Now that he was talking to her, he didn't know how he felt. Relief, comfort, fury, resentment to name a few. They had always had an easy relationship but something had changed in her absence. He let go and before he knew what was happening he was pulling her to him, his lips crashing into hers, roughly kissing her trying to convey everything he couldn't with words. She froze at first in surprise, but he pulled her even closer and she gave in, relaxing and giving back to him with the same passion. Neither of them thought about what it meant, just did what they needed to.

The first one to pull back, Bellamy gasped for air and put his forehead to hers and whispered against her lips, "I missed you so much. I knew you were gone, but I looked anyway."

"I understand," she murmured back.

This time he touched his lips to hers gently, the fury and roughness gone, replaced with tenderness. She slid her tongue over his bottom lip and melted further into his embrace. He responded in kind and their tongues danced, winding and exploring the unknown territory. Clarke pulled away this time, resting her head on Bellamy's shoulder. He wound his fingers in her hair and they stood together like that for a while.

"We should get back," he said.

"I know." Clarke looked up to Bellamy, and he brought his lips down for one final, melancholy touch. They parted slowly and walked back to Arkadia side by side in easy silence.


End file.
